π we're competing with each other
(sike it just feels like that) ft. reflections from friends, news, and our links π
Inspired by Upma, a South Indian dish made from rava. Our dedicated reader, Shreya, features a recipe of this on her food insta @eatswithshreya. Check it out!
Hello! This is a bit of a thought-heavy newsletter today - we really hope you get the chance to read it b/c we would love to hear any and all thoughts you have (even if they are like "wow this is wack shit"). We haven't done one of these prompts in a long time, but we thought this might be timely:
What's a good question that someone's asked you recently? Why was it a good question? What was your response and how did it make you feel?
<3 Melinda and Jamie
News
πͺ TW: violence. This Monday, a 65 y.o. Filipina woman was attacked badly in NYC, while bystanders watched on from inside the building (a luxury apartment) and didn't help. Her name is Vilma Kari. I have no words...
π TW: death. Last Tuesday, 66 y.o. Mohammad Anwar (who's Pakistani and Muslim) was killed by two teenagers. While he was on an UberEats delivery in Navy Yard in D.C., a 13 y.o. and 15 y.o. attempted to carjack him. A video of this has been circulating on Twitter; Twitter is not taking the video down. π₯
(on a related note: Islamophobia and xenophobia are still rampant. When we talk about anti-Asian violence, we cannot leave out the history of violence non-East Asians have experiencedβand continue to experienceβin the U.S. @ media, leaders making statements, news writers, etc. please say more than just the Chinese Exclusion Act and Japanese internment. PLEASE)
π Senator Tammy Duckworth's new memoir was just released. Every Day is a Gift details her life as a biracial kid in Southeast Asia, as a high school student in Hawaii, as a helicopter pilot, and more. "I realized from a young age what a privilege it was to be an American,β she writes.
Source: via Law.com. Frances Pan on the very left; Zahid Quarishi on the very right
π¨πΎββοΈ Biden announced a pretty diverse set of 11 judicial nominees! Two, if confirmed, would make history. Judge Zahid Quarishi from NJ would become the first Muslim American federal judge in U.S. history (he'd serve on the U.S. District Court for the District of NJ). Florence Pan would be the first Asian woman to serve on the D.C. District Court. Biden also nominated Rupa Ranga Puttagunta to the Superior Court of D.C.
πΊπ» BTS condemns anti-Asian hate!
On competition in the context of race and gender
The following is some thoughts + a dialogue between the two of us and some of our readers (thank you to those who read the draft and contributed π).
How I feel writing this:
Breaking out of my fiction-only stint, I'm currently reading Mark Manson's "A Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck", and lately, I've been thinking a lot about social comparisons and how those relate to my identity and to others who share similar identities. It is grad-school acceptance, fellowship, and "I got a job!" season (ok also this makes me feel so privileged saying that because it's so lucky to literally have most of the people around you succeeding and doing well and getting all these incredible opportunities). People that I know and people who I'm just Facebook friends with are popping up with these incredible opportunities and awards, and I am so happy for them and so excited for their achievements. But, I can't shake this nagging feeling of jealousy.
Recently, I feel like I have been increasingly comparing myself to the people around me, and as I'm working on breaking those feelings down, I noticed that it occurs more acutely with those who share some sort of similar background or identity - in this case, Asian American women (and in particular, East Asian women). I'm not sure if this is a shared experience, but I've been feeling a lot of professional envy towards other people's successes in a way that makes me 1. feel a little more inadequate/insecure about myself and 2. project those negative emotions onto others even if I don't know them. And, it's a terrible feeling because I do not want to be this kind of person, and I want to be (and I am) proud of other AAPI women and their accomplishments.
So, this is me trying to confront these feelings. I know that comparisons and jealousy are things that happen among women in the workplace. I've heard and read about situations where women in leadership positions will actively undermine other women in order to keep their own power/position secure. And, that makes me worried? What does that mean for DEI initiatives and structural change? Building leadership, mentoring, sharing resources, helping others? There's a lot of talk about supporting those in affinity groups and looking out for each other, but envy is a topic that often goes unaddressed in AAPI, women's, LGBTQ+, etc. spaces.
And, it's not just professional envy. This manifests in a lot of different ways, especially with personal relationships and creative projects. While writing last week's newsletter and having external conversations on fetishization, we noticed that much of the discussion was on the relationship between the Asian women and their partners and less so on how Asian women viewed each other in these situations. In my personal experience, I am always attuned to the race of people's past partners. For some reason, it makes me feel less jealous but more insecure/lacking that their ex is not Asian but more competitive if their ex is Asian. And, tbh I think that is really stupid and a toxic mindset! I hate thinking of relationships in a competitive sense, especially when it comes to things in the past that nobody can change.
Even with creative projects like Around the Table, part of our goal is to support the AAPI community and grow collectively. However, in our efforts to market this, it feels like other AAPI media and creators are competitors for attention. The whole idea of saturation in this space and the "oh this is MY niche" type of thinking is off (because there really are not that many AAPI specific initiatives), but it takes a lot of active effort to remind myself.
I'm in a class on power and politics in organizations, and much of the original conversation about social comparisons come up in the context of ego, power, and a desire to feel special. It's interesting to see how mindsets on the scarcity of power and success manifest when it comes to race and gender dimensions. It reminds me a lot of the "quota" admissions debate and how minorities - both in group dynamics and in individual experiences - can feel like competitors. And, I question: how can power be collaborative when it feels like minorities are pitted against each other for space and attention?
I tried looking for academic literature that addressed this but came up with nothing really, at least not in a gender x Asian American way. I am searching for but haven't found anything written about these experiences but also maybe am just looking for the wrong things. If anyone has thoughts or responses or anything LMK!
Post Discussion
small feelings
My friend and I went to a PILOTS (learn more here) protest yesterday and learned a lot. Also, I had a ton of good convos this week with many people (so thank u)! Some musings on how the response of a lot of asians to anti asian violence is an increase in policing, how non-east asians feeling excluded from #StopAAPIHate and asian american spaces in general, and just like a ton of thoughts generally...
β¨ S P O T L I G H T β¨
Podcast Rec
also s/o to the kopi club gals (Nicole and Justine for writing a really interesting piece on loneliness this week! Check them out here)
Chefβs Specials
βοΈ This blog from Asian American Feminist Collective is super cool
π "In China, millennials embrace Spanish, Latino culture and shake it up on TikTok" (NBC)
OUR LINKS
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